Malignant narcissists are bullies, but unlike fifth-grade bullies, they enjoy presenting themselves as if they are the victims while tormenting others for their pleasure. They love playing games more than anything, except tormenting their victims. Yet, to the outside world, narcissists will gladly play the role of the victim, while behind closed doors, they are the ones gaslighting, exploiting, and choosing power over any other emotion.
Superiority complex
Most people with strong narcissistic characteristics want others to believe they are superior to hide their flaws and low self-esteem. Because they want to be above everyone, yet they can’t, they will use people to get what they want, and they often find idols as people who seemingly have all they want. They will manipulate them while trying to get in their good graces, believing it will lead them to their goal.
The games narcissists play
There are some patterns most people with strong narcissistic characteristics follow in relationships, especially when it comes to romance. Some of the most common are disappearing acts, making outlandish promises, acting hot and cold, moving too fast, placing blame, and expecting you to read their minds.
More serious acts
Some narcissists will go further and start with love-bombing, gaslighting, controlling, and involving in criminal behaviors. Despite what many believe, narcissists are capable of liking their victims, but they are not truly capable of deeper emotions, like love. Therefore, they are not obligated to be honest, show respect, or empathize with you.
Anyone can become a victim
There is a difference between narcissistic personality disorder (narcissism) and people who display some traits of narcissism. However, in both cases, their manipulation game is so strong that you can become their prey no matter how intelligent or successful you are. After all, they are master manipulators and convincing liars.
What makes a narcissist want others to think they are the victim?
A narcissistic person is obsessed with others, how others see them, what they think, or how to use them. But, despite all their manipulation tactics, they still want others to see them as victims of their victims, which comes from several elements, like the sense of grandiosity, projection, and the need to control the narrative.
Grandiosity
Exaggerated victimhood is a standard part of narcissistic grandiosity. Their sense of entitlement, the need to present themselves as better or superior to anyone else, and their tendency to look down on others can be tied to their victim mentality. For example, if you try calling them out, they will manipulate others into thinking you’re causing trouble and hurting them. They will further exploit the situation until they get bored or break down their victim.
Need to control others
Narcists control the narrative, just like they want to control everyone and everything else. If someone tries to expose them for fraud, they indeed are. They will take over control and mimic the behavior of a victim. By gaining sympathy, they will prove they are better than others, but they will need more due to their low self-esteem.
Power-play
After weeks or months of wearing you down, calling nonstop, making promises they cannot keep, and love bombing, narcissists will stop suddenly. However, this is a power-play move designed to make you believe that you were the one chasing them. By turning tables, narcissists will continue with more effective manipulation techniques like gaslighting.
Escaping accountability
Imagine you met someone and got a text on social media that you are dating a manipulative, dangerous person. If you mention this to a narcissist, they will make their ex appear crazy and obsessed and reverse roles to create a sob story that will only make you trust them more. In a way, by learning how to play the victim, narcissists are escaping accountability.
Making the victim feel addicted to them
By playing hot and cold, acting in unexpected manners, and basically driving someone crazy, narcissists create a trauma bonding. They are turning their victims into addicts. It is a game of reward and punishment, and the brain reacts to any reward as it would if the victim were addicted to alcohol or drugs. Since narcissists are often obsessed with their victims, they will continue this circle for as long as they want.
Victim narcissists
By adopting a victim mentality, they create a scenario where people feel driven to offer support, additionally boosting the narcissist’s self-esteem. A narcissist will twist the conversation, destroy attempts of criticism, and never admit to their mistakes, and that’s why escaping them is exhausting on an emotional and physical level.
Escaping narcissist
If you acknowledge that you’re dealing with someone with NPD or narcissistic traits, escaping takes planning. Keep a record of their abusive behavior or threats and develop a safety network that will be there if you need to gather your documents, have copies of all records of the abuse, and assist you in finding a safe place before you leave.
