Moving is a metaphor for relationships


Good morning Loves.  As you read this I’m on my way home from New Orleans and as of last Wednesday when I left BF and I still didn’t have a place to live.  We need to move October 1 and we have yet to sign a new lease.   We have  been apartment hunting since June and now that we are in crunch time I am starting to reflect on what it means that neither one of us want to sign a new lease.

What does our inability to sign a lease say about our relationship?

The question to ask is – do we not want to sign a new lease because we haven’t found the perfect apartment or do we just not want to sign a lease with each other?  Looking back over the last few months of apartment hunting I can’t help but see the how our moving situation may be a direct reflection of what we are going through in our relationship.

We have been in our apartment (small as it may be) for six years and although it was supposed to only be temporary we grew accustom to it – downfalls and all.  We are moving because we need more space and we just want some peace and quiet.  We want to move to a neighborhood that is quiet but has essential amenities such as restaurants, a dry cleaner, a grocery store and a pharmacy.

I can’t help but wonder with less than 10 days to move and nowhere to go what does this say about my personality and my relationship with BF?

Is it really about the apartment?

I’ve come to realize that moving is really a metaphor for life and relationships.  We need to move but can’t make a decision on where to live.  Is this because we don’t really know where our relationship is going?

Keep in mind that I could be relocated or even jobless come January with the acquisition of my company by a competing firm and BF has already made it very clear that he doesn’t want to move to another city.

Why the need for change?

We are looking for a complete change.  We want to move to a new apartment in a new neighborhood.  Actually we want everything to be new; we want to live in a small building as oppose to the 21 floor apartment block we live in now.

We want a two bedroom apartment as oppose to our current one bedroom and we want it to be fully equipped including a washer and dryer in the apartment (not shared in the building) as well as a dishwasher.  What does this say about us?  Maybe we are being picky, maybe we are looking for a fresh start or maybe there’s another reason we are looking for the impossible apartment.

Afraid to make a commitment after 15 years?

Some people may say we are being extremely picking when trying to choose a new apartment, but I just think we are being careful in our choice.  Maybe our indecisiveness is a metaphor for our relationship.  Maybe we just don’t know where we are headed or maybe we are completely afraid of making a commitment – could that be?  Why can’t we just make a decision?  My initial thought is it’s because I want to be sure we are living in the perfect apartment in the perfect neighborhood because I definitely don’t want to be stuck for another six years in an apartment that we don’t like. However I can’t help but wonder if our moving criteria are a much needed change in our lives or are we just afraid to making a commitment?

What do you think – am I completely over thinking this?

Photo from Flickr


  • Well the easy answer that I usually give is if you have to ask someone else you already know the answer and are hoping someone else will justify your thoughts. However…I think it is a really good habit to hold out until you find what you want as well especially with large expenses such as housing, cars..etc. The challenge at this point is the time crunch, but you also don’t want to lock yourself in to something that you later wish you hadn’t jumped on so soon. Good luck!

  • Wow TK, thank you for your openness and honesty in this post. Probably a lot of people can echo your concerns in their own relationships. I have read this site for a long time and I always agree with and appreciate what you share. (And I love New Orleans 🙂 Anyway, you asked for our opinions so I will give mine for whatever its worth. I know you like to hear from all of us even if our view is different. I have no problem with you living with your boyfriend all these years, that is your choice most definately. But I will tell you what I’ve learned as a 53 yr old mom, college grad, working woman, etc. That the Creator of relationships made long term relationships to be grounded in marriage. I know all the objections and mine even took a detour for a few years so I know the pros and cons. But as I’ve told my young adult sons… that they were playing house and that the statistics show that by and large it doesn’t hold out long term. Your’s has bucked the odds and they sound like happy years and I hope they will continue but life is like a river, the banks of the river change over time and its not always the way it started out. Best of everything to you….you’re an inspiring and delightful gal! Again, thanks for being brave enough to put this out to all of us.

Leave a Comment